{"product_id":"funny-unisex-sweatshirt-second-hand-dick","title":"Funny Women’s Crewneck Sweatshirt, Second-Hand Dick","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"411\" data-end=\"483\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"411\" data-end=\"481\"\u003eSecond-Hand Dick Crewneck – Heavyweight, Healing, and Hilarious AF\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"485\" data-end=\"553\"\u003eFor when your ex leaves behind more than trauma — he leaves merch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"555\" data-end=\"779\"\u003eThis sweatshirt isn’t just a statement. It’s a survival story in cotton-blend fleece. Because nothing says \u003cem data-start=\"662\" data-end=\"695\"\u003e“I’m not doing this shit again”\u003c\/em\u003e like walking away in a crewneck that reads SECOND-HAND DICK across the front.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"781\" data-end=\"1020\"\u003eIt’s soft, savage, and scientifically proven to protect you from men who think “emotional” means “you caught them lying.” Whether you’re headed to court, brunch, or just blocking him mid-scroll — this one goes with everything but regret.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1022\" data-end=\"1578\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1022\" data-end=\"1034\"\u003eFeatures\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"1034\" data-end=\"1037\"\u003e💜 Premium heavyweight fleece that holds your boundaries like it holds heat\u003cbr data-start=\"1112\" data-end=\"1115\"\u003e💜 Unisex sizing, pre-shrunk, ethically made, and soft enough to replace his lies\u003cbr data-start=\"1196\" data-end=\"1199\"\u003e💜 Bold front print in long-lasting vinyl — the kind that stays, unlike him\u003cbr data-start=\"1274\" data-end=\"1277\"\u003e💜 True-to-size fit for cozy comfort while healing out loud\u003cbr data-start=\"1336\" data-end=\"1339\"\u003e💜 Designed for petty survivors, sober girls, and indirect shade throwers\u003cbr data-start=\"1412\" data-end=\"1415\"\u003e💜 Perfect for trauma anniversaries, TikTok rants, hoodie theft prevention, and post-breakup glow-ups\u003cbr data-start=\"1516\" data-end=\"1519\"\u003e💜 Ships free — because your recovery already cost enough\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1580\" data-end=\"1786\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1580\" data-end=\"1601\"\u003eCare Instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"1601\" data-end=\"1604\"\u003e💜 Wash cold like his excuses\u003cbr data-start=\"1633\" data-end=\"1636\"\u003e💜 Tumble dry low like his emotional availability\u003cbr data-start=\"1685\" data-end=\"1688\"\u003e💜 Do not iron print — just iron out your standards\u003cbr data-start=\"1739\" data-end=\"1742\"\u003e💜 Sublimation or vinyl printed in the USA\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1788\" data-end=\"1828\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1788\" data-end=\"1805\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYour Friends,\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"1805\" data-end=\"1808\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1808\" data-end=\"1828\"\u003eThe Bean Grind💜\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Ash \/ S","offer_id":52184139235646,"sku":"20392256159114145777","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sport Grey \/ S","offer_id":52182964437310,"sku":"18692234191972940260","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":52182964470078,"sku":"14755362866925979015","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ash \/ M","offer_id":52184139268414,"sku":"66614017126085498277","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sport Grey \/ 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